What Does Contentment Really Look Like?

A quote I read in a book recently, made me think. 

"If we . . . ask God for contentment, we should cancel our membership with speed dating pool, stop spending every waking minute on myperfectmatch.com, and trust that God will provide everything we need to minister Him (2 Corinthians 9:8). If we aren't ready to do these things, we should be honest with ourselves and tell God the truth: 'Dear God, please make me happy being single until I can fix my singleness'." (Alisha Plummer, "Confessions of a Christian Spinster")

When I read those words, they didn't sit right with me. While I could agree with a part of them, I immediately felt they took things too far.

The chapter of the book this quote is from is about contentment. About not allowing a desire for marriage to rob us of the life we have right now.

And there's truth to it all. If we're so focused on getting married, as singles, then we're going to miss out on the things God has for us right now. We need to be seeking contentment with our lives - even if we never get married.

But, I don't think that contentment in our lives as singles means we can't do anything to pursue things we desire. 

Contentment as a single doesn't mean I stop putting myself in places where I could meet someone to marry - whether in person or online - waiting for God to somehow provide me with someone to marry when there's nothing in my life that would give me a chance to meet someone.

Contentment actually means that I don't let me desire for marriage control me. It doesn't consume all of my thoughts & energy.

Contentment, for all of us, whether single or married, is about having your desires in the proper place, not about removing them altogether. 

We can be content with things in our lives & still have hope for something to be different in the future.

We can be content & still have desires for specific things - even be working towards those desires. Whether those are hopes & desires for marriage, or children, or a house, or a new job in a specific field.

When those desires are submitted to God, we are living in contentment. We choose to surrender our desires, by telling God what they are. We're honest about them. And then we choose to trust God that whatever happens is part of His will & He will use it for His purposes.

Sometimes You Actually Need a Person

 Can we please stop equating Jesus being with us always as a reason to never feel lonely?

When we do this, we're basically saying that loneliness is a sin.

But, a study of Scripture shows that feeling lonely is not a sin. The things we choose to do as a result of feeling lonely may be sinful, but feeling lonely itself is not.

Yes, it's true that God is always with us wherever we are (Hebrews 13:5; Psalm 139). And that can be a great source of comfort & encouragement.

But, my study of Scripture makes it pretty clear that we are meant to live this life in relationship with other people. We need people around us, journeying with us (Hebrews 10:24-25).

We need to know we're not alone.

Also, often when we're feeling lonely, what we need is to have another in our physical space. That's what changes things.

It's not that we've forgotten God is with us in those moments. It's that we need the presence of a person who cares about us. This isn't wrong. It's how we were created.

We need to become people who respond to the loneliness of others by showing up & being with people. By making space for people, not by shaming them for their feelings with a reminder that God is with them, that doesn't acknowledge what's really going on.

Making Space to Stay Connected

 If you've been in the church for any length of time, you've probably heard the message that we weren't made to go through life alone. And my reading of Scripture makes it pretty clear that Christianity was meant to be lived in community.

But, this is so opposite to what we hear in society. We live in a world that tells us we should be able to do it all on our own. We're told that we should be able to get it done without someone else.

This means we have to be really intentional about staying connected to the people around us. It's not going to happen by accident.

But, how do we make this a priority when we all have such busy lives?

How do we manage the expectations & needs of each other while still honouring our capacities & family needs?

We have to start by having the conversation with each other. We have to be honest about our needs, desires, & capacities. The we can work out what it will look like to stay connected to each other well.

When we do this, it results in a good thing for everyone involved.