Lie #3: Sexual Desire Has an Easy Solution

 Lie #3: If you have sexual desire you should just get married, or be satisfied in Jesus alone.

In some ways this could be a continuation of lie #2. They're definitely related, but I think there's some important differences to acknowledge here.

I've had experiences with two answers to any discussion regarding sexual desire in a single person - both answers seem to be designed to shut down the discussion as having a simple solution.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul writes:

"Now to the unmarried & the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (verses 8-9)

These words have been essentially thrown at me as a solution to a problem, without acknowledging the complexity of it.

Here's the challenge, marriage takes two people. Hopefully, two people who are seeking to live according to God's plan. That means it's not just as simple as telling someone to get married to solve the problem of their sexual desire. We don't have to look far to realize that "solution" doesn't work; if it did, we wouldn't see the problems we see in marriage.

Yes, Paul tells us that marriage is a place where sexual desire can be met. But, when we look at the larger context of what he is saying there's more going on here. He was valuing singleness & living out God's plan in that. While, at the same time, he was acknowledging there's a struggle with singleness & sexual desire.

The other words that have been thrown my way in this come from Isaiah 54:5,

"For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is His name - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer."

The implication with this one, & sometimes the words that go along with it, are that if Jesus is my husband, than I shouldn't struggle with this. I should be able to have all of my desires completely satisfied in Jesus, & shouldn't need anything else.

Yes, we should all be seeking to be satisfied in God. But, there is still something different in having a person who you can actually see & be with.

Instead, we need to acknowledge this is a complex situation, without a simple solution. And sometimes, it's a very painful reality for those of us who are single. When we desire to live according to God's plan for our sexuality as a single person, that means that sexual desire is something we still have, but we don't have an obvious way to deal with it in accordance with God's plan. 

So, as with so much of what I've been writing, we need to actually practice honouring & sitting with the uncomfortableness of all of this, instead of looking for quick solutions to throw at someone.

We Need Both - Studying the Bible Deeply & Following the Promptings of the Holy Spirit

 I had someone ask me a few months back if they could go to Bible college and still have a life led by the Holy Spirit afterward.

I was curious about why they were asking me this.

They had been told by someone in a different conversation that going to Bible college and studying the Bible & theology that way would mean they would just have an intellectual belief. And they would no longer be able to hear or follow the Holy Spirit in their life.

I immediately answered no to their original question. I know from personal experience that you can take the time to study the Bible & theology deeply and still live a Spirit-led life. The two are not mutually exclusive. 

In fact, I would argue that the two are vitally linked together. 

When we study Scripture deeply, we learn to more easily recognize the promptings of the Holy Spirit. And as follow & respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, our study of Scripture is further illuminated.

This is something that became very clear to me in the two years that I spent at Bible college myself. And, I will always tell people that it was the best decision I made for my own spiritual journey. And encourage them to consider it for themselves.

There are so many things I learned in my two years at Briercrest College, that have changed my spiritual walk. And they happened both in the classroom as we dug deeply into Scripture, in the discussions that happened in my business classes there, & in the interactions that happened in the dorm or the cafeteria or many other places.

I come back to this story often when I talk about my time at Briercrest. It was something incredibly simple that has had an impact on me - even now, 19 - 1/2 years after it happened.

I started my post-secondary education at a college in my hometown. I enrolled in the business program & spent two years studying business. After that, I made the decision to transfer to Briercrest.

On my first day, as I checked in at registration I had only a few minutes of interaction with one of the professors - someone who was meeting many people for the first time that day. The following week, I ran into this same professor in the hallway & he stopped to ask me by name how my first week was going.

In those few minutes, I realized how different the experience at Briercrest was. There were professors at my last school who had taught multiple of my classes in the two years prior who would not have recognized me outside of the classroom, let alone known my name. Yet, this professor, who wasn't even teaching one of the classes I was taking, remembered my name from a busy registration day.

Something about that interaction made me realize just how important my time at Briercrest would be. Not only was I going to learn academically, I was going to learn in community that really cared & walked it out together.

Alongside reading commentaries & theology books, I learned how to pray. 

Alongside writing papers, I learned to live in real community.

Alongside learning about the historical context where the Bible was written, I learned how to hear God's voice.

Alongside digging into the original language of Scripture, I was challenged to live a life of obedience to God & what He was asking me to do.

Looking back, almost 20 years since I graduated, I still see the time I spent at Briercrest as one the best decisions I made in my life. I wouldn't trade those two years for anything - not one minute of them. Even as this BC born & raised girl, watched the chapel building for this school on the prairies come into view for way longer than I was used to seeing things approach, who had no idea what was going to come, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

And I will always tell anyone who asks, if you have the chance to go . . . GO! There isn't a better choice you could make for your walk with God.

Lie #2: Singles Should Pray Away Sexual Desire

 Lie #2: Sexual desire should be prayed away if you are single.

Think for a moment about the sermons & other teaching you've heard on handling sexuality. How many of them have said anything about handling sexual desire? How many of them that did gave the only solutions as either asking God to remove it, or going to your spouse to meet it?

I'm not saying that either of those things are wrong or sinful suggestions. Just that they're woefully incomplete - especially for single adutls.

God created us as sexual beings. That means He's the One who gave us sexual desires. He created them. Prior to the fall, they were uncorrupted & could be fully met in marriage as He intended.

But, like everything else, when sin entered the world these desires were corrupted. And we see the evidence of that in our world today.

So, how do we present a better solution as a way to handle sexual desires - especially when we're speaking to singles?

Prayer is a good solution. But praying for God to take remove the desire isn't the answer. It's part of how God created us. A better solution is to take the desire to God in prayer - asking for His help to manage it. And this applies to all of us, whether married or single. Be honest about the struggle with Him. It won't remove it, but it will help us get through it. I've had many times when that is the only way I was able to manage things.

A final word to those who may have a single person in their life who trusts them enough & is desperate enough in this area to be honest with you about a struggle with sexual desire they can't fulfill in living according to God's Word:

don't push the honesty away because you're uncomfortable.

Don't give some words about being satisfied in God being enough (because it's not the same). Just sit with them & care. Acknowledge they admitted to a struggle. Be willing to admit that you don't have an answer or a solution for them. Even if you don't get their struggle, you can still care & sometimes that means more than anything else could.

Can we stop telling people - all people, whether married or single - that the solution to sexual desire is their spouse or asking God to remove the desire He gave us?