Do you ever find yourself at the point where you wonder where the time has gone? And how it could have gone so fast? Then you begin to take stock of your life and compare where you are actually at to where you imagined you would be at this point. Some things have gone completely differently than you imagined - some things have gone exactly as you thought - and there are still some things you are hoping will happen.
That is the place I found myself about a month ago when I got the Facebook invite to my 10 year grad reunion. I had to recheck the year, because I was sure that it could not be that time already. But it is - 10 years after a graduation in 2001, is 2011 - this year. I started to think about all that the last 10 years had been filled with - and all that was still missing that I thought would happen in this time.
The more I thought about it, the more I found the list of things I felt were still missing in my life growing. And that list grew at a much faster rate than the list of all that had happened. It seemed as though there were a lot of things in the list of what I felt was missing that seemed to somehow be bigger or more important than the things I had done.
I really was not sure I wanted to go to my grad reunion when I got the invite. For the most part, school was not the greatest for me friends-wise and so by high school I really had given up on trying to really make friends. I had people I could sit with in class and have as lab partners, but not really friends. And so I was not sure that I wanted to go to my grad reunion ALONE. It seemed that it was little more than a reminder that I was still single - long past when I thought I would get married. I had always thought I would have a husband to take with me to this event.
And really, did I need my grad reunion to be another reminder that I was still single? Last May my youngest sister got married . . . before me. And this May, my other younger sister is getting married . . . before me. I do not begrudge them at all. They have both found amazing guys that I am glad are my brother-in-laws. But I always thought because I was the oldest I would get married first. I knew the world did not work that way, but I thought it anyways. For the last 16 or so months, my world has had a lot of wedding talk happening in it. Sometimes it is good - sometimes it gets to be too much and I wish I could hide from the world.
So I have been left to wonder how I will choose to view these events. Will I choose to see my grad reunion as little more than a reminder that my life is not what I had planned? (As if my plans have any bearing on what God plans anyways.) Or will I choose to go and enjoy catching up and use the reminder that it has been 10 years to focus on all that has happened in my life, rather than what has not? Will I choose to see my sisters' getting married before me as a reason to be depressed that I am still single? Or will I choose to celebrate their love and welcome my brothers (even when they try to shove cupcakes in my face)?
I sometimes think that in a world that sets us up to always want more - always want the best - to never be satisfied with what we have, it would be easy to look at these events and see only the downside of them, to see them as only reminders of singleness for longer than I wanted. But, I wonder if instead, they need to be turned into opportunities to praise God for what He has done in our lives.
I may not have been married, or bought a house, or any of those plans I was so sure would happen in the last 10 years. But I know that I have done many things - graduated from college, found a better job than I imagined I could, moved out with some great friends - and that God has done some incredible things in me as He shapes me more and more in His image. Those are things I need to focus on. Those are the things that matter. And as I choose to focus on the things that God has done in and through me, the other things fade into the background. The desire and hope for them does not go away - and I do not think it should. But what is most important takes over the larger part of my life and other things fall better into the places they should be.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
thoughts on valentine's day
*I had every intention of posting this yesterday, actually on Valentine's Day, but I ran out of time to do a proper edit before I had to leave for Bible study and so it had to wait until today to be posted.*
I have to say, as someone who has been single for all but one Valentine's day in my almost twenty eight years, Valentine's day has not always been my favourite day. Some years it has passed with a hardly a notice of what day it was, some years I've spent it with other friends who were also single, some years it has been a day I dreaded as it grew closer and then I hated the entire day.
The last few years, some of my friends have planned girl's nights for February 14, that they called "ro-tic" nights (romantic, without the man). The name may be a little bit odd, but the sentiment was that if we got together, it would be a better night for all of us than if spent it at home alone. And it was a much better way to spend the evening - in the company of good friends, food, chocolate, and laughter. We have celebrated the love of our friendships with one another through spending time together on what could otherwise be a lonely night.
At Bible college, it was renamed "single's awareness day" by those who would find themselves without a date for that night. A bit of a depressing name for such a day, but when you're still single in mid-February in a place that is commonly called "bridal college" it can be a bit of a depressing day. Especially because, if everyone was to be really honest, even if finding a husband/wife is not their primary reason for being at Bible college, it's something that crossed their mind when they were considering it, and I don't know if there were many, if any, who would have been opposed to meeting their future spouse while were there. And so it became "single's awareness day" - the day when everyone who was single felt like that fact was amplified.
Valentine's Day as a child always seemed to be an exciting day. Your envelope in the classroom at school (that you had decorated beforehand) would be filled with Valentines from your classmates. You never considered the rule: if you don't give a Valentine to everyone in the class, you don't give out any Valentines. You were just excited to get them. For me, there was always a Valentine and candy or chocolate from my parents and from my grandparents. It was, overall, a pretty fun day. I wonder if maybe, this is what Valentine's Day should continue to be like.
But, somewhere along the way, as we grew up, Valentine's Day changed . . . a lot. And it became a day filled with expectations for those who have a significant other. And a day that is hated or dreaded by many singles. Is this really how it should be? Or can we recapture some of the excitement we had about it as children?
As much as I have not really liked the name some people have for a night with friends on Valentine's Day, I wonder if the sentiment is not more of what we need on this day. A time to celebrate and appreciate our friends and family and the love we have for one another. Obviously, this includes love for a husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend - and I don't want to take a day to focus on that away from anyone. I just wonder if we need to expand what we think of Valentine's Day being about to include more than just that significant other, to include all those in our lives that we love, care about, and appreciate.
I have to say, as someone who has been single for all but one Valentine's day in my almost twenty eight years, Valentine's day has not always been my favourite day. Some years it has passed with a hardly a notice of what day it was, some years I've spent it with other friends who were also single, some years it has been a day I dreaded as it grew closer and then I hated the entire day.
The last few years, some of my friends have planned girl's nights for February 14, that they called "ro-tic" nights (romantic, without the man). The name may be a little bit odd, but the sentiment was that if we got together, it would be a better night for all of us than if spent it at home alone. And it was a much better way to spend the evening - in the company of good friends, food, chocolate, and laughter. We have celebrated the love of our friendships with one another through spending time together on what could otherwise be a lonely night.
At Bible college, it was renamed "single's awareness day" by those who would find themselves without a date for that night. A bit of a depressing name for such a day, but when you're still single in mid-February in a place that is commonly called "bridal college" it can be a bit of a depressing day. Especially because, if everyone was to be really honest, even if finding a husband/wife is not their primary reason for being at Bible college, it's something that crossed their mind when they were considering it, and I don't know if there were many, if any, who would have been opposed to meeting their future spouse while were there. And so it became "single's awareness day" - the day when everyone who was single felt like that fact was amplified.
Valentine's Day as a child always seemed to be an exciting day. Your envelope in the classroom at school (that you had decorated beforehand) would be filled with Valentines from your classmates. You never considered the rule: if you don't give a Valentine to everyone in the class, you don't give out any Valentines. You were just excited to get them. For me, there was always a Valentine and candy or chocolate from my parents and from my grandparents. It was, overall, a pretty fun day. I wonder if maybe, this is what Valentine's Day should continue to be like.
But, somewhere along the way, as we grew up, Valentine's Day changed . . . a lot. And it became a day filled with expectations for those who have a significant other. And a day that is hated or dreaded by many singles. Is this really how it should be? Or can we recapture some of the excitement we had about it as children?
As much as I have not really liked the name some people have for a night with friends on Valentine's Day, I wonder if the sentiment is not more of what we need on this day. A time to celebrate and appreciate our friends and family and the love we have for one another. Obviously, this includes love for a husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend - and I don't want to take a day to focus on that away from anyone. I just wonder if we need to expand what we think of Valentine's Day being about to include more than just that significant other, to include all those in our lives that we love, care about, and appreciate.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
i need to blog
In the last few weeks as I have considered discontinuing my blogging or at least slowing down on how often I post, I have discovered that I cannot give up my blog. I love to write. And while much of what I write will probably never be read by another, I need the space to sometimes share my thoughts. So, on that note, my blog will continue. And it will continue to be as sporadic and inconsistent as it always has been. I may go a couple of weeks without a post, or I may post multiple times in a day. All I know is that this blog will continue to exist for you faithful few who read it.
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