Church as Family

I recently came across a question posed on Facebook that intrigued me. The question was whether churches need to scale back the marriage and family focus to attract and keep singles as part of their ministry.

Interesting question. Even more interesting to me were the comments that followed the question.

Given that the ministry asking the question focuses on Christian singles I was interested to see what they would have to say in response. Especially because I know that these singles do struggle at times to find their place in the local church.

As I read through the comments, I read comment after comment from these other single people who did not think the church should scale back the marriage and family focus to keep them as part of the local church. That they should rather include singles in all that is happening within the church. That response was the overwhelming consensus. And I agree.

The church should not scale back marriage and family focus to attract and keep singles. That does leave an interesting dilemma though. In the midst of important teaching about and support for marriages and families, how do we help singles feel welcome and a valuable part of our church families?

I don't know if it's a question that has an easy answer, because every church, every family, every single is unique.

When I look around my church on any given weekend, the number of singles does seem to be disproportionately small compared to the number of singles in the general population - at least when it comes to those older than college and university students.

In a culture where marriage and family are under attack, I don't think the church can afford to scale back on the marriage and family focus. It is needed. It is vital.

That leaves a balance that needs to be found. Even while having a marriage and family focus, as a church we can still make singles feel like a welcomed and valued part of our church families. But it takes work from both sides. As singles there are things the church can do to help us. But there are also things singles need to do. It's a two-way street here.

I think the most important thing all of us can do is look at our local church as a family. We talk that way often, but we really live like we believe it? Within our families, we don't usually separate people according to age or marital status and keep them from interacting with each other. If we begin to really see our churches as families it can become easier to make singles feel welcome whatever the focus.

Honestly, as a single who has moved beyond my early to mid-twenties, I just want to be included in the regular church ministries - whether that is women's ministry or small groups or anything else happening. To me that's part of being a family.

I want to be part of Bible studies with people who are at different stages of life than me, because I can learn a lot from what they say. There really is only so much I can learn from people whose lives look exactly the same as mine.

I need to hear what people older than me and younger than me have to say. I need to hear what married people have to say. And I hope I can share things in those groups that other people need to hear.

Marriage and family need to be talked about and taught about. But much of life following God doesn't change whether you are married or single. The same truths apply. So why do we often segregate people by whether they are married or not? We can learn from one another by being together when we talk about things.

I really don't think there is any reason for churches to scale back their marriage and family focus just because of single people. Rather, what needs to happen is a balance that makes everyone feel welcome no matter their age or marital status. A welcoming of all people into all aspects of church life. Everyone of us is looking to feel welcome and valued for who we are.

Every person who walks through the doors of our church gatherings is important regardless of their marriage status. We need to be making them all feel welcome and valuable as part of the family they are walking into.

What's Your Response to God Speaking to You?

I was reading the often all-too-familiar Christmas story the other day. This time as I was reading Matthew's account of it, I was struck by Joseph's example of hearing God speak and obeying it.

In the first two chapters of his gospel, Matthew records three examples of Joseph hearing God and obeying what he hears.

First, Joseph is told by an angel in a dream that he shouldn't be afraid to take Mary as his wife because the child she was carrying was from God (Matthew 1:20). A few verses later, we're told that Joseph did take Mary as his wife (Matthew 1:24).

The second example comes after the visit from the Magi. An angel again appears to Joseph in a dream and tells him he needs to escape to Egypt with Mary and the child because Herod wants to kill the child (Matthew 2:13). So Joseph took Mary and the child to Egypt (Matthew 2:14).

An angel of the Lord appears to Joseph a third time after Herod's death and tells him to return to Nazareth (Matthew 2:19-20). Once again, Joseph obeys (Matthew 2:21).

Now, I acknowledge that God would have still protected His Son and carried out His plan no matter what Joseph had done. But I think Joseph still sets a great example for us in these instances.

When God spoke to Joseph, Joseph's response was to obey - even when it cost him to do so. He set an example of hearing God and then obeying God. I think it's an example we would do well to follow in our own lives.

I sometimes wonder if the biggest reason why we don't hear God's voice in our lives is that we haven't yet responded in obedience to what God has already said to us. We've asked God to speak to us and He has, but for whatever reason - whether fear or not wanting to do it or any other excuse we may give - we haven't obeyed what God has told us.

And, so I wonder if, when we are in this situation, God's response when we ask Him to speak to us again is, "I already told you what to do, when are you going to do it?"

I know it often plays out this way in my life. When I haven't obeyed what He's already told me, I get easily frustrated when I feel like He's not speaking to me. But I've learned in those times I need to step back and look for where God has already spoken and there's something I need to do.

Now, I'm not saying God won't ever speak to us if we're not obeying what He's already told us. Putting God in a box like that will never work. But I do think He speaks more - or, maybe better put, we listen to Him better - when we're already doing what He has told us.

We can learn much from Joseph's example here in Matthew 1-2. When we hear God's voice, our response should be obedience to what we hear. And as we keep responding that way we keep hearing God's voice directing us.

 

Are you listening for God to speak?

 

Are you responding to what He says with obedience?

What are You Allowing In?

The last post in the series on Philippians 4:4-8. You can read the other parts here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4


"Finally, bothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." (Philippians 4:8)

Paul is emphasizing the importance of what we fill our minds with. We need to pay attention to what we're thinking about because it is a reflection of what we're filling our minds with.

The standards Paul gives for what we fill our minds with our high. And they are high for a reason.

We don't want to allow anything in that opens a door for Satan to get a foothold in our minds and hearts.

These standards that Paul gives for what we think about are the things that are the guard God's peace put around our minds and hearts.

It is important to evaluate things before we allow them in.

• Is this the truth that I'm allowing in?
• Is this something with quality that I'm allowing in?
• Is this pure according to God's standards?
• Is this lovely according to God's standards?
• Is this something admirable according to God's standards?
• Is this in line with God's standards for excellence?
• Is this praiseworthy according to God's standards?

If the answer to any of these questions is "no" then maybe we need to re-evaluate why we're allowing it into our minds and hearts.