Inviting God into the Doubt

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief."

Those are the words of a father who has brought his son to Jesus for healing.

Mark 9:14-29 records the whole story for us. The summary is that Jesus' disciples had tried to cast an impure spirit out of the boy and had been unable to. When Jesus arrives, the boy's father asks Jesus to help them, if He can. Jesus replies to the "if you can" with a reminder that everything is possible for those who believe. The father responds with, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief." Jesus heals his son.

In the middle of this story, we see a father struggling with doubt. Jesus confronts his doubt, but rather than hide or pretend, the father invites Jesus into his doubt in response. He acknowledges his belief and his doubt in one sentence, and asks Jesus for help with his doubt, with his unbelief.

Doubt is more common that we might think. Most people I've talked to have had moments of wondering,of questioning, of not being sure.

The difference has always come in how we respond to it.

Do we stuff it away and pretend it doesn't exist?

Do we beat ourselves up for it?

Or, do we do what the father in this story did, and invite Jesus into it to help us overcome it?

I think this account in Mark's Gospel provides an example of how we should handle these times. How different would our walks with God be if our response in times of doubt of unbelief was, "I believe; help me overcome my unbelief."?

Pretend Perfection No More

Rain cascaded off the edge of the umbrella forming a stream around her as it soaked the ground. She stood un-moving as she debated stepping out from under the protection. Knowing she would be drenched the moment she did so, she wondered if it was worth it to step out.

Memories of the joy of running and playing in the rain as a little child filled her mind. The times she was unafraid to get a little messy and experience the joy of not worrying what she looked like to others.

When had she become do concerned with looking right to others? With people seeing her as someone who had it all together?

The more she thought about it, the more she realized how tired she was from the work it required. Hiding anything that might be even the slightest bit messy from the world around her took a lot of work. She always had to be paying careful attention, making sure there was no crack for what was underneath to show through for even a brief moment.

Who was she really trying to impress? Was it really worth the energy and the time?

She collapsed the umbrella and let the rain our down on her. Eventually she began to walk, then run, then dance. Laughter echoing with the raindrops hitting the ground.

She'd forgotten the freedom of it until now. Worries about looking right and impressing others vanished from her mind. Cares that had been holding her back released their hold. For those moments she was free to be who she was underneath the masks she usually wore.


I wonder if we're more like this than we really want to admit. Even as I wrote it, I realized how often that struggle is mine.

But, I also know there is freedom that comes with dropping the masks and letting what's underneath be seen. There's freedom in stepping into God's cleansing rain in our lives. In letting it wash away our perfectly manicured and presented selves, to show the broken and the mess we've hidden behind it.

Because when we allow God to wash away the facade we've put up, He can reveal a masterpiece that He has built behind. Out of the broken and the mess of our lives God creates something far more beautiful than our pretend perfection ever was.

Will you step out from under the umbrella? Will you allow the rain to wash away your pretend perfection to reveal God's beautiful work?

A Journey

I had a memory show up in my Facebook feed today that reminded me that today is three years since I was heading home from my first Encounter God retreat. I was struck by the lyrics to the song that was in that post.

 

Free (by Jeremy Camp)

 

And I am free

And I am free

My sin was wrapped around me

Trying to drown me

You have set me free

And I am free

And I am free

The chains that held me tightly

Are finally lifting

You took this weight from me

Now I’m free

 

That was the first song that came on when I started my car to drive home from the weekend. It seemed so fitting a song then, and as I listened to it again today, it seemed even more fitting now. That first weekend was the beginning of experiencing this in my life. But, it wasn’t the end of it.

 

I tried to count how many times I’ve been to an Encounter God since that first time three years ago. I think it’s been nine times at this point. And every time I go, God has something planned for me – no matter what my role in the weekend has been.

 

Thinking back to the first time I went, I had no idea the journey I was stepping into that weekend. I couldn’t have imagined the change God would bring in my life with that weekend, and everything since then.

 

Probably one the biggest things God taught me that first weekend that has changed things so much since, is about trusting people. I went into that weekend carrying some big hurts from church people and had decided I wouldn’t trust church people anymore.

 

I very quickly discovered that wasn’t going to be possible at an Encounter God. If I was going to engage in what was happening, then I was going to have choose to trust the other two ladies I was in a group with.  Choosing to do that and how those two ladies responded was the beginning of healing those hurts from church people and changed the way I build relationships with people to this day.

 

But, that was only the beginning of what God wanted to do. In the three years since, God has freed me from the power of sin I thought I would always struggle with as I confessed it for the first time and broke the power it had in my life. He has freed me from patterns of worry, anxiety, and fear that limited my life in more ways than I was aware of.

 

Probably the biggest thing is the difference in my relationship with God. I’ve been a Christian since I was a kid. I grew up in a Christian family. I did have a personal relationship with God. But, I didn’t know the depth that it could grow to.

 

As I’ve walked on this journey, it’s become about more than just a few weekends a year. It’s become a part of my everyday life. An intimate relationship with God that I had no idea was possible.