Singleness: Season? Gift? Or . . . ?

Have you ever told someone or had someone tell you that singleness was a season?

How about a gift?

Likely you were trying to encourage someone, or they were trying to encourage you if you answered yet. It was meant with the best of intentions.

But, what if I told you that neither of those were helpful or encouraging?

In fact, they don't line up with what Scripture says.

Let's start with the idea of telling someone singleness is a season. This actually starts with a massive assumption on our part. It assumes that the person you're talking to will get married one day. For it to be a season, there has to be an end to it at some point.

Joy Beth Smith puts it better than I can in her book Party of One:

"The problem with viewing singleness as a season is that we relegate our time here as something to be endured, not celebrated. . . . Singleness is not a season with a guaranteed end in this life. And we can't spend our days trying to wait it out, constantly looking for what we hope is coming next."

We talk about seasons where we struggle as being hard seasons where we hope the end will come. And, even if we don't like how the season ends, we can count on it having an end. But, that's not always so with singleness. We go through the various seasons of life - both hard and joyful and everything in between - while we are still single. Single isn't a season that lines up with what we're talking about when we say this.

So, if singleness isn't a season, is it a spiritual gift?

Again, this makes an assumption that marriage is the norm and that remaining single requires some sort of special dispensation from God.

Too often I've seen singleness put on a list of spiritual gifts alongside others we would see in 1 Corinthians 12, Romans 12, Ephesians 4, and 1 Peter 4. But, this doesn't fit. All the gifts in these passages are for the edification and building up of the church, and for reaching out with the message of the gospel. I'm not sure how singleness fits on that list. If we're putting singleness on this list, then we should be putting marriage on the list as well, but that never seems to happen.

This also says nothing of the practical and very struggles for many singles with being single and people calling it a gift.

"Two problems arise if we continue to think about singleness as being a special kind of calling. First, it will make large numbers of single people feel as though life hasn't started yet. They're single but don't perceive themselves as having the gift of singleness. They're in a situation they're not designed for or called to. Life feels as though it is in limbo until God notices he's accidentally 'misfiled' us as being single and fixes things. That's when things will feel like they've finally got going, but until then they're just kicking around.'

Second, it causes undue pressure to get married, especially for those single people not perceived to have that gift. If you're single and don't have the 'gift of singleness,' then you're not pulling your weight. You should be married by now." (Sam Allberry, 7 Myths about Singleness)

By telling someone singleness is a gift, we put people who don't feel like they have the gift of singleness in an awkward place to be.

So, maybe we need to handle singleness like we do marriage. As one of many facts about a person, rather than trying to assign it some sort of special significance.

Light... Christmas Thoughts

Why do we decorate with lights at Christmas?

I've been thinking a lot about light this Christmas. It's one of the things we see everywhere in our Christmas decorations. We hang lights on trees, on our houses, on our cars, . . . sometimes on ourselves.

It looks beautiful. The other ornaments on the tree often shimmer with the reflection of the light.

But, why are lights to ubiquitous this time of year? Why do we put them everywhere?

I think we can often miss the significance of them. The reason why we put them everywhere. I know I do.

This morning, as I sat having a quiet time by the light of my Christmas tree, I was captured by a few verses I read. I was going back through all the passages I've read in lead up to Christmas, and I noticed a few verses that talked specifically about light in relation to Jesus' coming to earth.

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in a land of deeper darkness a light has dawned." (Isaiah 9:2).

"I Him was life, and that life was the light of the world. The light shines in the darkness and darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:4-5).

"The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world." (John 1:9).

We celebrate with light because we're celebrating the Light coming into the world.

Jesus came as the light of the world. That's what we celebrate this year.

Light coming into the darkness.

Light overcoming the darkness.

I needed this reminder this morning. 

As I being to look back over 2022, it feels pretty dark, and this Christmas doesn't appear to be happening anything like usual, or like I hoped it would. I didn't think 2022 could be darker than 2021; I came into 2022 with hope of the light and joy. But that's not the reality. There was plenty of good times in 2022, but it was also a hard year for my family . . . again. 

So, I need the reminder of light coming into the darkness. Of light overcoming the darkness.

I don't know what this year, this month, this week, or this day have brought you, but I wonder if we all need the reminder of the Light coming into our darkness this Christmas.

The events of our world this last year feel pretty dark and it can be easy to lose sight of hope, of light.

The events of your personal world may feel pretty dark right now.

But, Jesus has come. He is the Light coming into our darkness. He is God with Use! Immanuel!

As I close, I leave you with one of my favourite Christmas carols. A reminder of the hope and light in the midst of chaos, brokenness, and pain of our world.

https://youtu.be/kaFnJET_LS4

Christmas Memories

 I've had memories of Christmas' growing up running through my mind for the last few weeks. 

Memories of laughter and fun. 

Memories of family together.

Memories of a crowded table - everyone has to keep their elbows in so we don't knock the food off each other's forks.

Memories of too much food and my Grandma always offering more.

Memories of singing carols together with my Grandma at the piano.

Memories of my sisters, my cousins and I are huddled around the nativity set, each taking our turn to place the figurines of the set in place as Grandma read the Christmas story aloud.

Memories of puzzles started and completed.

Memories of gifts that reminded us how loved and care about we were.

Memories of welcoming in many who had nowhere else to go for Christmas.

This Christmas is the second one since my Grandma passed away. Although there were Christmas' before she passed that she wasn't able to be there, it's different now to know she's not just down the road waiting for a visit.

It's still a little bittersweet to think about Christmas this year. For so many years my Grandma, her house, her cooking, her plan for the family for the day was the center of all that happened. Even when she no longer hosted, she still had influence on the day.

But, the part that I keep coming back to is how she made sure that we never forgot what it was really about in the midst of the food and the presents. She was never afraid to tell us grandkids that we had to wait to open presents until we'd read the Christmas story together.

She'd read the Scripture about Jesus' birth and you could hear in her voice how much it meant to her. That to her this was the most important part of everything about that day. 

I'm challenged that I need to remember the reason why we do this all. The thing that is the most important about this day.

So, today, can I encourage you to take the time to stop and read and remember that in the midst of all this time of year brings, the most important thing is that we're celebrating the promised and long-awaited Messiah coming to earth?

We celebrate because Jesus coming to earth as a baby changed everything.

Light in the darkness.

Peace in the chaos.

Comfort in the brokenness.