The Danger of Labels Becoming Indentity

Labels are everywhere in our society. We use them to categorize jobs, places, experiences, things, people. It's that last one that I think often gets us into trouble.

We label people. And we end up doing more harm than good. People are more than whatever label we try to give them. I think we know this, but that doesn't change how easy it is for us to label people.

But, I think there's a place where we can do even greater harm with our labeling.

As part of the launch team for Rebekah Lyon's new book, Rhythms of Renewal, which will come out on October 1, I just finished reading the book. So much of what I read resonated with me and challenged me. Over the next few weeks before the books is released, I'm going to share a bit about the book and how it challenged me. I think the message of the book is a needed one and I'm excited about it being made available.

It's from this book that I was challenged in this area where our labeling does great harm. One of her chapters is on labels, and Rebekah writes:

"The problem is, when we use of these labels to describe us, they often give us our deepest sense of identity. We believe the lie that the label defines us. We shift from believing a particular label is something we face to believing it's something we are."

When I first read those words, I had to stop and read them again . . . and again . . . and again. The realization of how true they are hit me hard.

I do it all the time. I label myself as single. I label myself as my anxiety disorder. Rarely are these labels positive. They almost always describe things about myself in the worst possible way. And they become my identity.

But, I'm learning that I don't have to let those labels become my identity. Yes, I'm single, but that's not everything about me. Yes, I have an anxiety disorder, but that's far from the only thing true about me.

We have to learn our identity from something or somewhere other than the labels we've given ourselves or have accepted that others gave us. This is how we really learn to live.

A little bit later in the same chapter, Rebekah goes on to say:

"When we don't view our identity through a label, we're able to find ways to thrive in spite of whatever label we're living under."

Because our labels are so often used to limit us, they hold us back. But, when we find our identity where we should, in God, everything changes. To quote Rebekah one more time:

"When our identity is found in who God says we are rather than in our highs and lows, our successes and failures, our desires, affections, or shortcoming, we experience the freedom we were meant to enjoy."

Freedom comes when we find our identity in God and nothing else. Then we experience the life Jesus said He came to bring us in John 10:10.

This is something I've learned and am still learning.

When I allow my anxiety disorder to become my identity, I'm held back by it. I've limited by the box I put myself in. But, when my identity is found in who God says I am, the anxiety disorder I have is not the focus and I can all sorts of things and experience a life the label of anxiety disorder as my identity prevent.

What are the labels you've placed on yourself that have become your identity?

What does God say about your identity?

What would change about your life if you lived out of your identity from God rather than your labels?

Conversations We Don't Know We Needed to Have

Have you ever had a conversation that you didn't even realize was important for you at this time?

Have you ever had a conversation where you need to explain less about something because the other person has a better understanding of what you're talking about then some other people you have similar conversations with?

I recently had one of those conversations with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It wasn't planned. We didn't say this was exactly what we would talk about when we got together. But, as we talked, our conversation naturally went in that direction for a while. And it was exactly what I needed, that I didn't know I needed. I needed to be able to talk about it with someone who gets it. I only realized it as I drive home that evening.

In our world of instant messages, blogs, and social media, I think we often miss out on these conversations. This topic likely wouldn't have come up if we hadn't been sitting in the same space seeing each other. It wasn't a conversation that could happen in a hurry.

I've written about the topic here a lot in the last few months. And while it's been helpful to write about it here, there was still something about being able to talk about it with someone who is living it too. And it was needed.

In the time since this conversation, I've been reflecting on our need to create space for these types of conversations. Conversations where we put down our phones. Where we sit in the same space as another person. Where we move beyond the more surface-y stuff, that's not bad but can't be where we always stay, and talk about the reality of what life is really like.

We need these conversations with people whose life experience and circumstance is similar to ours. And with people whose life experience and circumstance is different than ours.

How are you creating space for these types of conversations in your life?

Doing the Best You Can with What You Have

As I sat down in my seat, I felt the person behind me leaning forward with their hand out. I sat quietly, looking straight ahead, willing myself to breathe normally. Praying this person would just sit back and not push this interaction.

But, that wasn't going to happen this time. The hand moved uncomfortably close to my shoulder and they leaned in, right up to my ear . . . or, at least that's what it felt like.

I did my best to respond in a friendly way, but that night, I'd greeted as many people as I had it in me to greet. I was done and I just needed a bit of space.

As soon as I could after that, I headed for outside. I just needed some air and no people around me with expectations of how I would interact.


If you haven't figured it out, that situation occurred during the "greet the people around you and shake their hand" part of most church services. While it's never been my favourite part of a church service, sometimes those are the words I dread hearing come from the pastor or worship leaders' mouths. The part that can make me want to just skip church altogether some weeks. And other times, it's not really that big of a deal to me.

Every time I do say hi to someone and shake their hand, I'm worrying in my head about how they're seeing me in that moment. Is my handshake too strong or too weak? Did I actually smile at them? Was I clear and friendly in my words? What are they thinking about me?

Even as I write those words, I know how ridiculous they sound. But, for me, that's the reality of what social anxiety looks like. I know rationally that this isn't the big deal my brain is making it out to be to most people, but sometimes I don't seem to be able to interrupt the thought process with more rational thoughts. Or it takes all of the energy I have to do so and I have nothing left to give to interactions with other people.

Back to the situation from the start of this post: That particular evening at church, I had already reached my capacity for those interactions. I usually try to just quietly sit down and avoid further interactions at that point. I tried that on this evening and, unfortunately, it didn't happen that way.

I truely believe this other person had the best of intentions and definitely had no idea they were pushing me towards a panic attack. Thankfully, this time, I was able to return to the church service after a few minutes outside, but this isn't always the case.

I have no idea what went through the mind of the other person in this situation (although my anxiety brain tried to tell me it was full of judgement of me). I only saw the look on their face for a moment and they had no idea what was going on for me.

Here's what I do know: Having been on the other person's side of similar situations myself. Most of the time, maybe even all the time, it's nothing personal. There's something going on in their life that's making this more difficult for them. It's easy just to judge someone as rude or unfriendly, but I think we're better off being more gracious with each other.

How would it change your interactions in this situation if the thought in your head was that they're doing the best they can with what they have in that moment?