How do we Change our One-Size-Fits-All Rules?

 If our one-size-fits-all rules cause harm, what should we do instead?

How do we approach these interactions appropriately and in ways that aren't open to misinterpretations?

This is already an area with lots of grey and lots that can go wrong if we're not careful. This is why we like lists of what we can do and can't do to be so clear. It's how we attempt to deal with the grey areas and keep ourselves from the potential of any trouble.

This feels like something I'm not qualified to address. Except I opened up this issue. If I'm going to argue that we need to change things here, then it's only realistic that I offer some thoughts though. 

So, here goes my attempt at an answer . . .

We have to begin with changing our understanding of intimacy and physical touch. It's easy to look at our culture and see the way we have sexualized everything.

"We are so sexualized in our culture that we cannot divorce erotic touch from faithful ministering touch with those between whom there is no physical attraction." (Lore Ferguson Wilbert, Handle With Care)

It doesn't take long to see this in culture. A simple look at advertising tells us this. Or listening to some of the popular music. Or watching just a few minutes to TV.

But, it's not just society.

We've done the same thing inside the church. 

It's why we can't hug someone of the opposite sex without people wondering. It's why we go to great lengths to avoid anything where we might be close with someone of the opposite sex.

And we start this sexualized thinking when we're young. It's in the messages on modesty where girls are told to make sure their clothes don't reveal too much because they don't want to cause the guys to stumble. A message that ultimately tells the girls they're sexual objects to guys. And guys that they're not responsible for their thoughts if a girl's clothing isn't modest enough.

Yes, we should be teaching modesty and care for our brothers and sisters in the church. That's vital to how community works. It's not the principles behind this teaching that we to change. Those are true.

My argument is that we need to change the reasons why we teach the principles. The focus needs to be on honouring God with our lives and our choices, not on making us responsible for the choices of another person.

If we're going to change our one-size-fits-all rules, we have to start with changing the way we view physical touch. It's ingrained in us to view almost all physical touch and intimacy through a sexual lens. But, that limits and constrains us.

If we were to remove that lens, how might our rules change?