Why Are Hugs so Important as a Single Person?

 "I'm not a hugger."

"I don't need many hugs to survive."

Those are words I would have said easily a year ago. And I really believed them.

Then a global pandemic hit and hugging pretty much everybody in my world became a thing of the past. Suddenly, I was aware of just how many hugs were a regular part of my day, my week. And how much I needed those hugs.

There were the two or three hugs with coworkers at the start of a work day.

There were the hugs with a few friends every time I saw them.

There were the hugs with people at church when I arrived each week.

That's when I realized . . . maybe I am a hugger. No, I don't greet everyone I see with a hug. But, for those I'm comfortable with, a hug was an important part of every time we saw each other.

Realizing how much I missed in these last 10 months or so is a large part of what prompted me to write these posts. It made me realize that I actually needed those hugs. So, I am, in fact, a hugger. I'm just someone who only hugs some people.

So, it made me wonder why this was so important as a single person. Why did it seem like me and other single people I talked to felt the lack of physical touch so much more acutely so quickly?

Now, I realize that there are lots of people from all walks of life are struggling with the lack of physical touch and connection. It's affecting us all. But, what I noticed is that there was a difference in how quickly it was felt by those who are single and live alone and those who lived with others and saw and were close to people everyday.

It relates to what I wrote about in my last post. We have limited what intimacy is and that means we've pushed singles to the edge of this. In many ways, a lack of physical touch has always been our reality. Adding in a few hugs from family each week when I saw them, the list I shared at the start of this post is the extent of all physical touch, and anyone getting even physically close, in my world on a normal basis. And it doesn't help that in many circumstances people already go out of their way to avoid getting too close, let alone touching me.

It doesn't mean there aren't other things that aren't helpful and good. Just incomplete.

"While hospitality is good and necessary, there is an intimacy our unmarried brothers and sisters need that cannot be met with mere meals and occasional movie nights. For singles to feel connected to the body of believers, healthy touch must be practiced." (Lore Ferguson Wilbert, Handle With Care)

That is the reason why those hugs are so important. That is what makes me a hugger.

Rather than avoiding touch, we need to change how we look at it and how we act on it. Especially for the sake of the singles in our midst.

"When it comes to our single friends in the church, instead of prioritizing the keeping up of appearances, what might it look like for married people to prioritize giving the gift of physical touch in appropriate but very intentional ways?" (Lore Ferguson Wilbert, Handle With Care)

Obviously, this is something to put into practice in the future - once this global pandemic is over.

But, still an interesting question to consider. I would expand it to include everyone, whether married or single, offering physical touch in appropriate but very intentional ways.