Singleness is Not a Season

In conversation, we often seem to imply, if not directly say, that singleness is a season in life. The belief comes from the common thinking and even assumption in the church that everyone will eventually get married.

But I think we're on dangerous ground when we operate on that assumption. We can't claim we know for sure that God will allow all of us to get married one day. And when we operate on the assumption that everyone will get married on day, we say hurtful things to those in our churches whoa re single and desire very much to be married.

So, why do we so often treat singleness as just a season in someone's life? Why are we so anxious to try to usher them into what we mistakenly believe is the next season of life for everyone?

I think a large part of it is because it's what we've been taught. It's what we have been told is the logical and normal progression in life, so, we naturally look for ways to move people along in that.

But, I think that hides the deeper reason why we want to see singleness as a season and why we treat it that way. In her book "The Significance of Singleness", Christina S. Hitchcock talks about this deeper reason:

"American evangelicals are afraid of being single because we are afraid of what it means theologically: that God might not give us everything we want when we want it, that we are not in control of our futures, that the American dream and the gospel are not one and the same." (pg. 93)
[You could easily subsitute Canadian  in both places where Hitchcock says American and it would be equally true.]

What is so hard about this one, is that we're probably not even aware of this and how it affects our thinking about this. But, I knew as soon as I read that, I had dealt with it in my life. Even as a single person, I still had the struggle with what my singleness means theologically.

If we're going to change our thinking here, we're going to have to start with being aware of why we think the way we do. But, we can't stop with just knowing what we're thinking. We need to know why it's a problem.

Why is believing singleness is only a season a problem?

Joy Beth Smith puts it this way:

"The problem with viewing singleness as a season is that we relegate our time here to be something to be endured, not celebrated. . . . Singleness is not a season with a guaranteed end in this life. And we can't spend our days trying to wait it out, constantly looking for what we hope is coming next." ("Party of One", pg. 19)

Whatever our life looks like, we miss out on so much of what God wants to do in and through us if we're constantly searching for the next thing. We miss the people God wants us to meet, the experiences He has for us, the things He wants to use us for. All we see is what we feel like we're missing. Eventually we lose hope that what we're hoping for will happen and we give up. We just try to endure our current circumstances.

Our assumption and belief that singleness is just a season has us standing on some faulty ground. It assumes that marriage is always God's plan for everyone. And it causes unnecessary pain for those in our midst who are single despite still having a strong desire to be married.